Friday, September 02, 2011

MP3 Oompa Loompa Grill

I consider it a good thing when certain individual consumable and/or usable products that were made separate from each-other are united and combined. Macaroni-and-cheese, PB&J, and the Toaster-oven come to mind. However, I think there's a lot to be said about the staggering amount of shit in this world that does not belong together. Ever. Period.

My neighbor shouted over to me this evening with great excitement in his voice. "Adam, do you want to see something cool?". Now, I do agree that there is a certain level of bottom-line expectation that must be considered coming from anyones neighbor.

I was surprised to find out my neighbors newfound, prized possession wasn't a big wooden box stamped with "fragile" all over it and it sure as hell wasn't from France. What he shouted out to me was probably the dumbest fucking thing I have heard to date: Mini-gas, MP3-ready outside cooking grill with speakers ...and a thing which tells time.

What posses a person to invent such a jack-shit product is an entirely different topic of discussion. What really gives me a ball ache on this one is peoples sense of mystique and gravitation towards items like that?

Maybe next time I suggest he just take fistfuls of leftover money and just toss it up into the air on a windy, South Dakota day. Perhaps I urge him to come clean with his Trailer Park Boys 'Randy' Cheeseburger fetish. Or maybe he just likes to eat mini cheeseburgers off naked midgets.

The odds of us both benefiting from any events like that are much higher than me giving a hot, peppered shit about the next innovative, chinese wet dream he brings home from Menards.

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